Me too. It wasn’t funny. It was a great game, but there are over a million blogs, websites, channels, and assholes you work with who can help you recap the magic play-by-play. I’m just here to report on the funniest commercials. By the way, just so we all know that I know, there are over a million blogs, websites, channels, and assholes you work with who can help you recap the commercials too.
But this is my blog on comedy, so let’s ride.
Kelaine’s Starting 5 Commercials of the Super Bowl
#5 – Snickers – Betty White
Seeing old people fall is – without question or equivocation – hilarious, but usually taboo. So when Betty White gets planted on her ass and I’m encouraged to laugh at the misfortune, I’m going for it. But let’s be real, the best part of the ad isn’t even the tackle; it’s Betty’s periwinkle outfit and the tra la la go-to-market strut right before she gets railed into a puddle of mud.
Betty delivers some clutch lines, which allows her cameo stick the landing. But I think the ad falters in that the punch-line comes before the product.
As “Mike’s” girlfriend (who seems to be the game’s only spectator) appears and presents Betty/”Mike” with a rejuvenating Snickers, suddenly Betty morphs into “Mike,” who actually looks less physically imposing, if you can believe it. The ad picks up a second wind as Abe Vigoda takes a snap – and a sack – but meh. It’s short-lived. The commercial is slapstick funny, but it didn’t meet its hugely awesome potential.
It’s no Terry Tate, office linebacker, but I’m not mad at Snickers.
#4 – Bud Light Auto-tune
Budweiser, or in this case (No pun intended. Ok, you got me. Pun intended.), Bud Light, is usually good for at least one ad that will stick to your ribs. This year was mediocre, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t get the job done.
Their ad features a quartet of beer-enthused, domesticated dudes serenading each other in auto-tune (ranked by Time as the #3 buzzword of 2009) about how sweet their party is going to be because they have Bud Light.
It’s as funny as it is formulaic. The guys on the phone are pumped, and they make you want to call your own buddies, plan a party, and drop a beat. But deep down, I think they might have followed the beer commercial Choose Your Own Adventure checklist/decision tree:
Ultimately, though, I don’t care. It’s funny and catchy and ends with T Pain scooping some guac. Maybe Bud Light doesn’t get the extra credit on this one, but it’s funny enough to get the laugh.
#3 – Denny’s Screaming Chickens
So far, you’re all probably like “Oh shut up, those commercials are fine, why you gotta nitpick?” And I wonder the same thing too. I’m not here to be a snooty buzzkill who only appreciates high brow humor. Today at least. In fact, my #3 selection should prove that immediately.
Ok, the chickens’ sideways glance on the couch. The chickens at the pool table and in Wal-Mart. At the bar. Did that stoic man in plaid say “chicken vacation days”? Jury duty? Chickens doing people things is hilarious.
And then, after the announcement that is too good to be true for humanfolk (free Grand Slams for everybody!), Denny’s has cornered the market on the ridiculous.
Screaming chickens. Eyes bulging, shrill screaming, wings flapping, feathers flying. And to really drive the point home, Denny’s reminds us about this ridiculous deal and this ridiculous commercial twice more before the end of the game.
Chickens haven’t been this funny since the Bluth family. Also, anybody else hungry and not have work tomorrow? Where the hell is the nearest Denny’s?
#2 – Doritos House Rules
If you had asked me last night, which commercial I liked best, I would have said this one. Here we have little Jalen, whose mama is about to go on a first date.
You’ve seen it. I don’t need to recap.
This kid’s comedic timing and delivery are second only to his mean ass stink eye.
Sure, it echoes of this 1993 ad featuring a young buck Shaquille O’Neale and another authoritative pint sized black kid, but that was 17 years ago.
#1 – Charles Barkley Taco Bell
Someday, I hope to see the following words on a marquee:
Almost the entire poem is monosyllabic, but we see some great range when Barkley parses out the word gordita. I can honestly say I have never heard a flow quite like his.
Yet I can’t sell anything the way Charles Barkley sells the 5 buck box. So I’ll just let him speak for himself and let you read along the hilarious bastardization of Dr. Seuss.
The five buck box,
It rocks, it rocks.
It rocks for a meal
With lots and lots.
It rocks for a jock
It rocks for a fox
It rocks blocking shots
On guys with dreadlocks.
What comes in this box,
This box that rocks?
A cheesy gordita
Crunch to munch
We all scream for burrito supreme!
A crunchy taco and cinnamon twists?
Both on the list
And wait, let me think
An ice cold drink
LAMAR ODOM (really?!):
That is lots and lots
In just one box.
And it’s only five bucks,
And that’s why it rocks.
Charles, I could not agree more.