Picture yourself churning through roaring rapids, terrified. Hungry and alone. No vessel, no life vest. You grab desperately for rocks as you rush past them, but they’re too slippery. You reach for brush along the shoreline, but it’s just out of reach. And, as your body flails to stay afloat, you notice you are headed straight for destiny. The sights and sounds are damning. Just ahead is a waterfall. This is the end. You have nothing left but hope as you cascade down, down, down, down, down.
Goodbye cruel world!
But lo! Who is this gorgeous moustachioed sea creature that has come to your rescue? And is that pastrami on his breath? As the air reenters your lungs, you can’t help but pull a Squints Palledorous-Wendy Peppercorn makeout. This ma-agic moment.
When I think of heaven, I think of this website, Selleck Waterfall Sandwich, which combines the three most magnificent of God’s creations. Yes, it exists. And now, because of this website, I know God exists too.
There are no words that can adequately do justice to this site. And so, appropriately, there are virtually no words on the page. But with Tom Selleck, a sandwich, and a waterfall, do we really need an explanation?
So why am I still talking?