Keyboard Cat Represents My Capacity to Understand Emotions


The Instructive Genius of Mr. Men and Little Miss Books

I famously have the emotional range of a teething infant, which means I experience three basic feelings: hungry, angry, and happy.  Other than that, I’m relatively clueless unless there’s some kind of book to explain what you mean.

I’ve come to understand (through the Mr. Men and Little Miss book series, Oprah, and use of emoticons)  that there are a whole range of emotions I’ve been missing.  Things like sadness (when someone dies), guilt (when someone dies and it’s your fault), anxiety (when someone dies, it’s your fault, and you’re going to court), and even amazement (when you’re OJ Simpson).  These are all emotions.

Did you guys know that?  Apparently, empathy is a trait that I lack.

But let me explain.  Please, before you get offended.

You see, I didn’t mean to laugh when you said you got fired.  And I definitely didn’t think it was funny.  It just didn’t hit any of my three core emotions, so what happens is that my brain pulls the lever on the slot machine, and off we go.

Once that lever is pulled, you get what you get.  In this case, you know, when you lose your job, we land on Keyboard Cat.  This magnificent creature knows how to take any dreary situation and turn it into a zippy little tune.  Just look at him here, in his satin karate outfit, assuaging the friends and family of “Little Visitor,” a young Haley Joel Osment (whose emotional range at six years old is more sophisticated than mine).

Sit tight for the real kicker at 0:43.

This little ginger tabby’s jam session can play off the heartstrings of a tiny, innocent, alabaster child star finding out he’s in for the hard-knock life.  And so, here we are.  I’m laughing, you’re crying.  I’m laughing so hard that I begin crying.  And now we’re getting somewhere.

For more valuable applications of Play Him Off Keyboard Cat, be sure to visit the site and comment with some of your faves.

And now, because it’s only fair that I let him do his thing, PLAY ME OUT KEYBOARD CAT!

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8 thoughts on “Keyboard Cat Represents My Capacity to Understand Emotions

  1. Technically, you’re not missing anything. For example, guilt is a mixture of happiness and hunger: combine being satisfied with missing something, and that’s basically all guilt is. Sadness is kind of a psychic hunger, and anxiety is a mixture of hunger and anger.

    Love is really the only thing that’s a combination of all three.

  2. I can’t tell if Mooser is serious or deadpan. Oh plain text, you’ve foiled me again!

    This entry is hilarious, but only if a stranger wrote it. Since you’re my sister, I kind of want to open-palm mush your face with the intensity of Baby Daby Habe.

    Paragraph 2 is the best thing I’ve read all week. That’s just splendid — your snark has topped the extremely moving piece I read about passion for one’s job coming from the man who is the janitor, mailroom clerk, and VP of Marketing for his copywriting agency. Does everything need a punchline?

  3. Can’t tell if I’m serious or deadpan? Don’t worry, you’re not the only one.

    (That time was deadpan — our dear author here knows I’m a hopeless romantic who pretends at being heartless.)

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