Drunk History is Better Than No History

I have a lot of respect for good teachers.  They are underpaid, undervalued, and under appreciated.  Growing up as a studious little goodie-goodie overachiever, I had my fair share of teachers who put in work to make little nerdbots smarter and ready for real life.

But there are a lot of terrible teachers too.  Like really really horrible.  Ones who entered the profession for the long summers, unrestricted access to tater tots, and readily available construction paper.  They probably exacerbate problems, enjoy spelling mistakes, and don’t mind when students confuse their, there, and they’re.  Oh, the humanity!

Fortunately, I’m solutions-focused.  I have a panacea for struggling teachers: get hammered.

Bad advice?  Probably.  But let’s try something new.  Stick with me.

Hamilton and Burr
The Original Player Haters

Let’s suppose you’re a U.S. history teacher.  A bad history teacher.  And it’s time to discuss the 1804 election, which, frankly, you weren’t alive to see.  So you have some liberty, some ability to improvise.  Because honestly, which of these little turds (your words, not mine) is (a) listening to you drone on by this point in the year or (b) going to correct you?

So, you pour yourself some Scotch, and tell the astonishing tale of the duel between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr.

Historically, pretty accurate.  Maybe there are some anachronisms, but whatever.  These kids won’t know the difference.  I mean, if Shakespeare can have a clock in Julius Caesar, then why should anyone care if Alexander Hamilton is making phone calls?

It’s a well-known statistical fact that students listen better when you’re talking with eyes closed, hanging over a bucket.  Ok, that’s a lie.  But whatever, you’re drunk, so who are you to question me?

There's always money in the banana stand.

But seriously, terrible teachers, maybe this will work.  Give it a whirl.  You presumably spent most of your college days blitzed anyway, right?  So maybe you’re cheating your students of your best work, which comes under the influence of a drunky fog.  I know I am completely spellbound by Mark Gagliardi’s oral rendition of history, and I’m even happier when I see Michael Cera bring it to life.

On second thought, maybe you should just have Michael Cera teach your history class.  Maybe his new role will help him avoid poor role selection again.

This video makes me laugh out loud virtually every time I watch it.  The concept is not only novel, but also catches moments of genuine, unscripted comedy.  Without trying, Gagliardi delivers some bedazzling one-liners, and provides a glimpse into why I still find it fun to hang out with drunk people, even as a teetotaling goodie-goodie overachiever.

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2 thoughts on “Drunk History is Better Than No History

  1. If I was a teacher, I’m pretty sure I’d beat the system by staying exactly one chapter ahead of the class.

    “Mr. Latter, what happened in the Battle of Antietam?”

    “Find out next week, Stevie!”

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