Wholesome Holiday Pie Ice Cream Cake

Maybe my ice cream cake isn’t good enough for a feature post on Corcoran Street Kitchen, but I know a whole lot of fat kids and people who think lactose intolerance exists but eat ice cream cake anyway who would disagree.  Here’s the post I took the time to write and photograph though it never made the jumbotron kiss cam.  Someday when I go big, this will be like my underground album.

When you live in a household with an Emmy winner and an Emmy who cooks like a winner, you have to rely on something to prove your worth to the Corcoran Street family.  For years, I relied on my wit, charm, and surliness, but when you go to a potluck, that just won’t cut it.  So, as master of not bringing anything to the table, I decided to bring something fail-proof to the table for once.

So what if I stole the idea from Mark.  A lot of people have great ideas.  But if we didn’t improve on their execution, we’d be stuck with mediocrity.  I presume you’ve seen Social Network.

To quote rap mogul Jay-Z, on sampling music from former hip-hop rival Nas:

So yeah, I sampled your voice, you was using it wrong

You made it a hot line, I made it a hot song.

It’s the takeover, DeWolf.  And this isn’t beef.  This is ice cream cake.

Wholesome Holiday Pie Ice Cream Cake

Ingredients:

  • 12 graham crackers
  • ½ gallon of apple pie ice cream (Turkey Hill or Edy’s)
  • ½ gallon of pumpkin ice cream (Turkey Hill or Edy’s)
  • 4-5 spoonfuls of caramel topping, or more if you’re nasty
  • 4 spoonfuls of hot fudge topping, or as much as you want
  • 1 plastic sandwich bag with zipper closing

*Note: You will need at least 2 hours for the bottom layer to re-freeze before adding a top layer of ice cream.  And then another 2 hours for the top layer to re-freeze.  So, while ice cream cake is an easy crowd-pleaser, make sure you have ample prep time.

1.      Take out your carton of apple pie ice cream; let it melt while you do these things.  Leave the pumpkin ice cream in the freezer.

2.      Cover the inside of a 12” diameter form pan with plastic wrap, so you can avoid extensive, melty clean up.  Plan ahead.  If you don’t have plastic wrap, you’re not ruined.

3.      Take nine (9) graham crackers and crumble them into a bowl.  They’re ready for action when they’re more like graham dust than graham crackers.  Evenly cover the bottom of the plastic wrap with the graham dust, and smush it down so it will be a nice crust.

4.      Once your apple pie ice cream is a little soupy, use a large spoon and plop it on top of the graham crust.  Spread it evenly, being careful not to disrupt the beach of graham beneath it.  If the graham is moving all around, let your ice cream melt longer and then spread it evenly.

5.      Crumble the remaining 3 graham crackers into chunkier pieces and sprinkle them atop the ice cream.

6.      Melt your caramel topping, per instructions on the jar, and drizzle 4-5 spoonfuls on top of the grahams.  You can’t have too much caramel.

If you can’t find caramel topping (at CVS while you’re waiting for a table to open up for brunch at Logan Tavern), you can buy caramel candies and melt them in the microwave in intervals of 30 seconds.

Stir and spoon them onto the grahams evenly, noting how disappointing it looks—without worrying—because it will soon be covered by ice cream.

7.      Place the cake in the freezer.  It must be flat or your ice cream cake will be an ice cream ski slope.  Let it freeze for at least 2 hours.

8.      Do something else for at least 2 hours.

9.      Take out the pumpkin ice cream and let it get melty.  Leave the cake in the freezer while it gets soupytowns.

10.  Take the cake out of the freezer and add the layer of pumpkin ice cream.  Spread evenly and smoothly because people are going to see this layer.  This is no time for goofing around.

11.  Put it back in the freezer and let it freeze for at least 2 hours.

12.  Do another thing for 2 hours.  I recommend going for a run.  Showering is optional.

13.  Microwave your hot fudge topping, per instructions on the jar, and put 4 spoonfuls into a plastic sandwich bag.  Zip the bag and squeeze the fudge into one corner.  Make a very small cut in the corner with the fudge and squeeze fudge onto the cake in a fancy pattern.  I made a turkey and some zany lines.  You might want to try argyle, celebratory words, or a portrait.  This is your time to shine.

14.  Put it back in the freezer until you’re ready to serve.  This cake can probably travel up to 15 minutes, but should be put in the freezer to freshen up.

15.  Write a clever post about it and upload pictures.

16.  Wait for Emily to post it for several weeks.

17.  Be disappointed.

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5 thoughts on “Wholesome Holiday Pie Ice Cream Cake

  1. While the use of 9 rather than 8 or 10 graham crackers left me feeling incomplete and gloomy, the recipe sounds otherwise like a winner — no Emmy needed. Other thoughts:

    – Lookit your little paw!
    – @EmGusk, that was one of my fav lines too.
    – Nick liked your handprint turkey, and I liked the sound of zany lines. I hope you said it insincerely.
    – Fun fact — Edy’s is called Dreyer’s west of the Mississippi.

  2. The cake was an inspired and delicious twist on my original. I do appreciate the shout out but I believe the citation should be in MLA or Chicago style format. Also, you spelled my last name wrong. It’s little d, big wolf.

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