Tear(y) Eyes, Broken Hearts, Can’t Lose

Tonight airs the final episode of Friday Night Lights.
You know when something is so good, so close to perfect, that it breaks your fucking heart?

It tears you into pieces and makes you want to hurt someone, maybe yourself.  Just to see it again for the first time.  Just to get that burst of adrenaline where your eyes widen and your ears fill and you inhale.  It’s all there in that one little breath.  Like your whole world changed in that moment but now it’s gone because you already saw it and you can’t go back.

It’s so goddamn beautiful that you swell with rage.  How can it be so beautiful?  Like it assaulted you and took something that was yours to give, without your consent.

Something that, just by being, calls you the miserable slug that you are.  Something that reminds you how insignificant you are.  Something that bares all you hate about yourself and reminds you that this is what you are not.

It makes you feel something you didn’t think you could feel.  You’re defenseless and beguiled.  So, maybe you try to make a joke because you’re scared and a little ashamed at how stripped down you feel.  This beautiful thing, it caught you off-guard, and it’s taking whatever it wants from you.

And yet, you love it.  You need it.  It lights a fire and shows you something more than what you already know.  It makes your brain wrinkle.  You remember this moment.  You remember this thing.  It inspires you as much as it intimidates you.  Because it’s all right there.  You’ve seen it once.  Now go and find it.

This beautiful, perfect thing.  Is it a predator or a scavenger?

And, so, here’s to those beautiful things and moments.  The big ones and the small ones.  To the bursts of energy that leave glowing embers, waiting for you to blow.

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