Mitt Romney: Well, that guy turned out to be pretty racist

Hi Mittens.

Honestly, I’m bad at losing too.  I get angry at myself, and if someone so much as reaches for me with an open arm to say “it’s OK,” I will shake them off with a furious anger and tell them not to touch me.  Depending on the circumstances, I might tell my teammates they had shitty attitudes and made mental mistakes before doing 25 burpees and a handstand as I walk off the field.  That’s how I roll.

It’s not that I’m a sore loser.  It’s that I really love winning and losing is the fucking worst.

So I can understand that during countless months of scrutiny — where every move you make, every vow you break, every smile you fake, every claim you stake, every single day, every word you say feels like a trip to your rookie proctologist who is never really sure if you have fistulas (better double check just in case) — you might say some things that are taken out of context.  You might be painted as a man that you are not.  And it feels very unfair to me that you could work selflessly your whole life for the betterment of your community, and just because your dad was rich, you get shoved into the “lucky white man” box.

I can’t actually empathize with what that feels like — to be a modest and earnest man who is painted like a rich, privileged, racist bigot.  But apparently, neither can you.

Because WOW.

It turns out that the media did paint you correctly.  “Chafed grundle red,” and “all my friends are white” are your true colors.  You are a rich, privileged, racist bigot.

Here’s what you said, verbatim:

“What the President’s campaign did was focus on certain members of his base coalition, give them extraordinary financial gifts and then work very aggressively to turn them out to vote.”

And who exactly is that base coalition?

“…[T]he African-American community, the Hispanic community and young people.”

WOW.  Just like that, huh?  Just like, put it all out there in broad daylight.

In his latest explanation of why he lost this election, Romney suggests the President gave gifts to the lazy blacks, the illegal Mexicans, and the college sluts.  Sure, I’m paraphrasing, but isn’t that what he meant?  Because we know those people don’t vote based on policy, but they sure do turn out for the 5 o’clock free crack giveaway!  What do we have for them, Johnny?

  • Immigration!  Act now and you can get amnesty with your purchase of The Dream Act
  • Healthcare!  Obamacare lets you seek preventative healthcare AND allows you to have rampant sex and free contraceptives
  • Education!  College loan forgiveness for the poor folks and we’ll throw in The Dream Act for free

It’s a shame, but it’s not surprising that you besmirch and simplify the issues that matter to your constituents.  And somewhere therein, it is the reason you lost the election.

You lost because we just plain disagree with you.  We don’t see these things as gifts.  We see them as sound policies.  You lost because we believe that as President you could never understand — and therefore could not represent — what is most important to people who didn’t grow up with privilege.

But you don’t need me to tell you that.  You said it yourself.  At a $50,000-per-plate fundraiser, you put it out there like a fart in a zipped tent.

“My job is not to worry about those people.”

You’re right.  It’s not.

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