Monday Morning Quarterbacking: QB Attractiveness Ratings: Tier 1

There’s always been something special about the position of quarterback.  We’ve built storylines around him.  We can’t “Remember the Titans” without Sunshine.  “Varsity Blues” made us believe that Dawson might not be a pussy.  And Friday Night Lights gave us the Holy Trinity of Jason Street, Matt Saracen, and Vince Howard.

It’s the most glamorous position in all of sports, 90% due to the huge responsibility on a quarterback’s shoulders.  But the other ten percent?  It’s because QBs are notoriously dreamy.

I’ve grouped the NFL’s starting QBs into four tiers of attractiveness, and to keep it short and sweet, I’ve written a haiku distilling each QB’s appearance into a little 5-7-5 rhythm.  Today, the hottest of them all.  Tier 1, the Actively Hot Dreamboats.

Mark Sanchez, The New York Jets

Dark skin and light eyes
A body that just won’t quit
(Maybe it should though).

mark-sanchez-3 Ohio State v USC

Cam Newton, Carolina Panthers 

My God!  Those dimples.
My fantasy team comes true
Wham Bam, Thank You Cam.

cam-newton cam-newton-2

Brady Quinn, Kansas City Chiefs

John Hughes should cast him
As the jock who steals the girl.
Take your shirt off, bro!

brady-quinn-2 brady-quinn-3

Tom Brady, New England Patriots

Despite his butt-chin
Even Jets fans can agree:
Dude is fly as hell.

Indianapolis Colts v New England Patriots tom-brady

Josh Freeman, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Last year was awful.
Now that you’re toned, I sweat you
And dig your fro-hawk.

josh-freeman-2 josh-freeman

Colin Kaepernick, San Francisco 49ers

Sensing a pattern?
Surprise!  I like the mixed dude.
But lose the goatee.

colin-kaepernick colin-kaepernick-3

Russell Wilson, Seattle Seahawks

Seventy-fifth pick?
What a money quarterback
Change found in the couch

russell-wilson Arizona Cardinals v Seattle Seahawks

Robert Griffin III, Washington Redskins

A smile like Strahan’s,
The spaces make it better.
The braids have to go.

NFL: Washington Redskins at New Orleans Saints robert-griffin-iii-2

Ryan Tannehill, Miami Dolphins

Blonde hair and blue eyes,
This guy played at A&M.
Can you say “typecast?”




8 thoughts on “Monday Morning Quarterbacking: QB Attractiveness Ratings: Tier 1

  1. One of your most creative, bestie. I enjoy that everybody is leaving their business card info here

    Wagebot, International Woman of Mystery

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